


Sad Boys Club

by 34_SpaceStreet



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Venom (Comics), Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Adult Peter Parker, Canon Spideypool, Eddie Brock & Peter Parker - Freeform, Eddie Brock & Wade Wilson - Freeform, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friendship between Wade and Eddie, M/M, Spideypool - Freeform, This is basically therapy could have been a good title too, This is mostly how two depressed mentally ill person meet and become friends, Wade needs a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-08-02 17:25:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16309499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/34_SpaceStreet/pseuds/34_SpaceStreet
Summary: Eddie Brock was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems really eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. He'll find out that Deadpool might be an annoying depressed killer, but he's no quitter. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and completely absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved and no romance between Wade and Eddie or between Eddie and Venom.





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhhh you've been waiting for it! A Venom meets Spideypool Fanfic with some good Venom and Wade friendship... Mmmmm... I appreciate your sense of taste, my friend, so here it is. This is my first fanfic in english (although, a huge thanks to my beta (Lucky Strike's alter ego) for reassuring me!) so I know it's not perfect, but I tried my best based on a crazy idea I had after seeing Venom (2018).
> 
> Quick warning: The text in bold are Venom's dialogues. They don't have qutoing signs because, for those who have seen the movies, other people mostly can't hear him. If he ever manifests himself physically and talk to other people than Eddie, then I'll put quoting signs. It means everyone can hear him.
> 
> Feel free to comment, suggest or correct anything after reading it! Happy reading!
> 
> Future chapters coming soon...

Chapter one

**This one?**

"No, man, what did I tell you? Bad guys only, like-like that guy the other time, at the convenient store, you know? That type of guy…"

**But I'm hungryyyyyy.**

"Yeah, I know, buddy, it's just, you know, hard to find bad guys for you to-"

**Weeeeeks since we ate anything!**

"Okay, first thing's first,  _I_  do not eat anyone,  _you_ -"

"Hey, mister talking-to-myself? Hey, crazy guy? I'm looking for a big talking lion. Seen anything in…this…perimeter?" Asked a voice coming from the top of a close building.

Eddie suddenly turned around, shocked at the voice, but mostly by the fact that he had been talking aloud the whole time…a bad habit he was trying to lose.

"Uhm… nope? Not-not recently?" He said, trying to see who was asking him this question...well, since the dark of the night and the shadows of the alley didn't quite help.

"Wait, you mean to tell me that you've seen others before?" Asked the voice, again.

A strange silence fell between them and Eddie broke it with a very quiet, "No?"

"Ah. Well, if you see anything, just shout "Deadpool" real loud. I probably won't hear it 'cause well...yeah, but you know, it's fun to think about just a bunch of people screaming my name all over..."

**This guy?**

"Does he look like a dangerous person to you? He just lost his cat and-" Said Eddie, trying to negotiate.

" _Giant talking lion_ , thank you for not ruining the cool elements of my storyline."

"Yeah, sure." Added Eddie.

**I could eat a giant lion.**

To which Eddie replied :

"Yeah, I know you could, big guy, but-"

And suddenly Deadpool jumped from the stairs he was previously on to arrive precisely just in front of Eddie. As seeing someone in a superhero costume was quite frequent these days and since he's seen things waaaay weirder in the past few months, Eddie did nothing to address the obvious fact that the man in front of him was probably a vigilante.

"Hey, man, are you okay?" The man in costume asked, sounding weirdly sincere.

"I, uhm, yeah, I just like to talk to myself is all. Nothing to worry about."

"It kinda sounded like you were answering… someone. I-"

"Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine, I've got a parasite is all, you know how it is. Feverish and stuff but I gotta go. Kinda hungry and past my bedtime."

And Deadpool thought about letting him go, but instead, after muttering to himself, and making Eddie think that he was making fun of him for a second, he shouted:

"Wait, you-if you got voices in your head-"

**"WE'RE NOT VOICES!"**

Eddie tried to calm his breathing down after Venom's face covered his in such a sudden and aggressive way. He was sweating and probably lost and not to mention he was hungry… God, he was so hungry!

"What kind of motherfucker was that? Is that… you? What the fuck, are you okay?"

"No, I'm fine, really, just...please...just a bad night. Too much to drink, you know. Byeee!" And he tried to sprint far away from the costumed man but in two steps he fell to the floor, completely exhausted. He lost consciousness when his face hit the asphalt.

He woke up, much later, his back on some big smelly dumpster with a shower curtain half-eaten by rats as a sheet. A small note on his lap:

" _Hope you're not dead!_

_Nice talking to you._

_Xoxo, your Deadpool_ "

"What the-"

* * *

"What the frick?" Peter exploded, completely compelled by the narration of Deadpool.

"I'm telling you, Spidey, like fucking monster black-wait-like-okay, if a mobster, a jello, and you had a baby, right? And then that baby-"

"Wait, why am I involved in this?"

"Oh, he had your charming personality…" Deadpool started with a grin and winking very hard under his mask, "And like the same design for the eyes kinda… did you trademark your mask yet? I told you it would bite you in your glorious butt one day if you didn't!"

"Wade-"

"Peter-"

"What do you mean he had the same eyes?"

_18 minutes later…_

"I'm boreeeed!" Exclaimed Wade, throwing his arms everywhere, in desperation.

"This is important okay? We need to find him, maybe he got bitten by another spider or maybe-"

"Looked a bit more monster-y to me,  _signor_."

Peter rolled his eyes under his mask, but Wade could easily sense it in the tone of his voice and the overdramatic sigh he gave him.

"We just need to find him, okay? After that we'll go back to date night, you big baby." Spiderman said, going on his tiptoes to give a big smoosh on Wade's cheek.

Wade simply started mumbling, "I won't say I'm in love" and Peter rolled his eyes another time but with a grin he failed to hide.

On the other side of the streets, two teenagers looked at them abruptly and excitedly shouted,

"Yo, what's up, Spiderman?"

"Yeah, what's up? Cool latex, bruh!"

And the other one nodded, approvingly.

"You fighting any crime tonight?"

"Not yet, but you guys better stay away before I stop you for being too cool!"

And the two boys laughed in between, "Oh, I love that guy!" "My fav hero, you know?" "Oh my god, same!"

"Be careful on your way home!" Screamed Peter, waving goodbye at them.

"'Before I stop you for being too cool?' What are you, a dandy high school teacher?"

"God, I feel old." Peter said, finally out of sight of the two boys, tragically putting his hands all over his face.

"Well, keep telling yourself that, and it's only gonna be truer and truer everyday, you goddamn twenty four year old grandpa."

Spiderman was gonna make a comeback at that but Deadpool put a hand on his arm, stopping him in his rhythm.

"What?"

"I think that's the street I left him in."

"Wait you left him there? In the cold? Unconscious? Did you not learn anything about last month's intervention? Unconscious equals hospital and homeless equals service homes. They might not have beds, but at least it's not the cold street and I thought I was clear when-"

"Everything you're saying is so valid and important, buttercup, but now's not the time. I think-"

A red dot came from the roof and in a second, Wade pushed Peter as far as he could, taking the three bullets in his torso. He screamed out in pain and surprise, but his adrenaline kicked in and he immediately started to climb the emergency stairs he used just the day before. He shouted, while being completely focused on the black shadow on the roof:

"Are you okay?"

To which Peter responded by:

"Stop taking so many bullets, asshole! Just fucking get out of the way!"

"Love ya too!"

And in two jumps, he was on the roof ready to fuck up the bitch who even tried to hurt them. Spidey somehow got there a millisecond before and, with a kick, unharmed the sniper who just tried to shoot both of them and jumped on him, placing the other one firmly on the ground.

"Who are you?!" Shouted Spiderman with a more grave voice.

"Aww, sweetie, I think it's hot that you're trying the new technique I showed you but there's an easier way," Deadpool said lovingly before taking off the mask of the sniper, revealing a bald white man. "Okay, never mind I don't know him, do go on."

Spidey pushed the man once again into the roof.

"One more chance before I let him have some fun with your toy." Threatened Spiderman.

Deadpool interrupted again.

"Okay so I know you meant his gun but it just sounded very sexual and I just wanted to say that-"

"Wade! That's why I don't bring you to missions with me, okay? So please, two seconds of staying in character?"

"Wow, okay, I don't even mind that you always go with Bruce Banner, you know, never even crossed my mind that you might think he's better than me or something."

"Why am I third-wheeled right now?" Said the anonymous man on the ground.

Deadpool finally gave a big sigh, took the gun a few meters away and prepared to pull the trigger.

"On four, I will put a bullet in your foot. On five, I'll put one in your shoulder and on six, I'll put one in your dick. You decide when you want me to stop. One… Two…"

"Okay, okay, fine! Jesus, I'm just a security officer in some science lab!"

"And they give you a permit to kill there? You can't just fucking SHOOT ANYONE LIKE THAT!" Spiderman's breathing started speeding up and Deadpool felt the emotions take Peter by the throat. He put one hand on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"Hey, I'm okay. He's stopped. I'm okay."

"No, you're not. You're shot 'cause this asshole played fucking god and-"

Deadpool broke the gun with his thigh or, actually, tried to, but gave another pained growl because that shit is hard to break.

"Man, they make it seem so easy in the movies.  _Fuck_!" And he smashed the gun onto the hard floor, finally breaking it in small pieces. He stood tall after that and said, a bit breathlessly, "See, I'm fine. Everyone is fine."

He then took what was left of the gun as a bat and got close to the man, just above his head and made some quick smashing practices with the gun before looking into the bald man's eyes.

"So, tell me why you're here and what lab you're from. And then, maybe, when you lose consciousness after the beating you're gonna get, I'm gonna drag your useless body to an hospital. So, your choice, hospital or no hospital?"

After receiving all that information, the duo preferred to simply go back to Peter's apartment. They left the security man two blocks away from a hospital since it was "close enough" and they told themselves they would search this "Eddie Brock" the next day.

It was when Peter was brushing his teeth that the events seemed to, yet again, sink in. His eyes became full and, holding the bathroom sink, he sniffed quietly. And the more he thought about it, the more he couldn't help the tears. He spit his toothpaste foam and rinsed his toothbrush, silently and heavily making his way to his bed where Wade was already in, fully emerged in the sheets.

Peter simply let himself fall onto the other body, onto the sheets, and pushed his weeping face in the other's neck. He felt as if he had to apologize, but when he opened his mouth only some deeper words seemed to find their way.

"I'm never able to save you." He said, pushing his arms under the sheets so he could hold the other man in his arms.

"Maybe it's because I don't want you to."

"You'll need to let me help you at some point."

"You're more important than me." Wade answered, calm and certain.

"That's it, next week's intervention is on self-esteem." Peter said, meaning every word and yet changing the tone of the conversation, feeling calmer and calmer close to Wade. He got on his elbows to face his boyfriend and gave him a determined kiss.

"My beautiful nerd." Wade said. "I can't wait. But, now get in bed, I call shotgun on the big spoon tonight."

Peter laughed, getting in bed, almost forgetting the damp feeling on his cheeks and the panic fading in his heart. Panic created by the thought that always seemed to make him lose control.

_Someday, Wade's gonna get himself killed._


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie Brock was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems really eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. He'll find out that Deadpool might be an annoying depressed killer, but he's no quitter. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and completely absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved and no romance between Wade and Eddie or between Eddie and Venom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up cool people! Oh my god! Thank you so much for the support! Everyone who kuddoed or reviewed this fanfic! That was amazing! And so, as promised, here is the second chapter! I would've liked to post it earlier but... life. 
> 
> Enjoy and get ready for some real Spidey, Venom, Wade, Eddie interactions next chapter! I really like the directions it's takind, guys, hope you'll get to see the next chapters soon! :)

Chapter Two

Today had been a good day. Eddie had finally launched the first episode of his web series 'What TV Doesn't Want You to See' and it was already spreading through the internet and people seemed to be on board with the project. He had done his laundry and even went to go grocery shopping (at the convenience store, but it still counted)...and then he went to the goddamn bank. Which, looking back, was definitely a mistake.

"Everyone stay on the ground! I don't want anyone moving or talking! This is a robbery, not a murder spree so we'll be quick if you are cooperative!" Shouted a woman, a gun in her hand and a mask on her face.

About six masked armed criminals were taking the bank by fear and honestly, Eddie felt the weight of his day finally hitting him.

**These guys for sure!**

"Yeah, sure...fine."

And this classic scene of some professionals stealing the bank in silent efficiency was completely ruined in under ten seconds when Venom took control. Eddie mostly didn't watch, but he could still smell the odor of blood and hear the screams, even louder than the ones reserved for the criminals. He…simply just wanted to go home. The screams. He had just…killed people, he suddenly thought.

**But they are BAD people. BAD people can be eaten, you said!**

"Well, I-"

After regaining some restraint and his body, Eddie thought it better to simply run towards the exit, not even looking back at the pile of skewered bodies Venom left behind. He could run from this. He could run from the thoughts it left too.

And as he ran through the streets, panicked at the idea of a police car chasing him, he felt sweet relief when nothing seemed to happen. Just the end of a normal day. He started laughing when he hit something while running.

"Oh my god, why do we always meet when he's not here!" Shouted Wade dressed in civilian clothing, which was why it took many minutes before Eddie could remember who the man was.

"Okay, Eddie-Eddie, you listening to me? Jesus, you sweat a lot…I'm just gonna call Spidey, okay? This is _so_ us. Accidentally meeting while he's not here…I know he's at work but maybe a lunch break is possible or something."

Eddie's eyes maniacally ventured places to places until they focused on Deadpool's face and all their orbit became black.

**I don't like him. He talks too much.**

"Oh my god pick up…pick up…oh god, fuck, it's a message, fuck, what do I say? What do I- Heyyyy sweetieeeee, so, you know we uhm…well I…I found him, I found Eddie. Say ‘hi’, Eddie," he said before handing the phone towards the other man.

"Hi?" Said Eddie, in a more awkward place than five minutes before (when he ate six people at the bank).

"Oh classic Ed. Anyways, I just wanted to…"

**See?**

"Yeah, I know, I just...don't know if he's  _bad_  bad."

**I can see three guns and four blades from where I stand.**

"Clothing style," replied Eddie, still looking behind his back to watch out for police. "Besides, you just ate…" He added, a little quieter.

Wade was still too focused on his call to pick up on anything Eddie said.

"So just call me back when you can, bye, love you!"

And as he closed his phone, he took Eddie's arm and dragged him a street away. Some seconds later, he heard the sirens from the police cars not far from where they were earlier.

"Wouldn't want you to be caught…hahaaa not after yesterday!" Deadpool said like it was nothing.

"What? What happened yesterday? Who are you and why are you following me?"

**Arggg just eat him!**

"Oh my god, so a guy, right? Out of nowhere, well, the roof mostly, but like-" Wade started telling him before being stopped by the black gooey face of Venom.

**"STOP TALKING!"**

"Holy christ this is even more disgusting than me! And why is it weirdly sexual. Is this like in Alien when the aliens are like a metaphor for rape, because-"

Eddie punched him in the face with the symbiote's strength. Wade gave a pained groan, but Eddie was still surprised that he was still on his feet after such a punch.

**Rude… He doesn't even fall when we punch him.**

"Yo! I'm Deadpool, okay? Geez, no need for violence!" Wade said in a sudden scream, still holding his nose which took most of the impact, before realizing that he was saying 'no need for violence'. Then, he simply laughed, blood still pouring from his more than broken nose. "Okay, big guy, I assume, you're in charge, so-"

"What? No, he's not in charge." Eddie stopped him, offended.

**Wait… let the man talk...**

"No, no, you're not, we're-"

"Oh my god, I knew it," exclaimed Wade, clapping in excitement and letting go of his tortured nose, "you have voices too!"

"No, I don't, I have a-"

**If you say “parasite” once again…**

"Fever."

But Deadpool kept smiling and shaking his head, knowing full well what was happening.

"I've been drinking?" Tried Eddie, helpless at this point.

Deadpool kept clapping, not believing him one second.

"I…hum…"

"You're just like me," exclaimed Wade, slightly jumping on his feet from pure joy, "I have voices too! We could like…make a club! The Sad Boyz club! With a 'z' to attract the youth, you know? Oh my god, this is so great! I'll call my mom to tell her I made a friend today! Oh wait, no, she's dead. Okay, well, I'll call my boyfriend! Oh my god, he'll be so proud!"

He started jumping and clapping while taking his phone out and Eddie was just trying to understand what was happening.

"Wait, no, I don't know you, I don't even-" He couldn't even focus on what to say, he didn't know what to do.

"Wade Wilson," said Deadpool, introducing himself and giving a hand to shake, "so do you prefer the standard text message or do you prefer a platform. I have a discord, you know? I'd say Wednesday for our meetings. Maybe in a coffee shop or something, or a Sunday brunch…I'm not picky."

Eddie started to walk away from him, slowly, thinking this would be easier. Wade finally tapped something on his phone and looked in front of him, realizing his new friend had vanished. Already on voicemail, his face completely changed, his glorious smile turning into a desperate pout.

"Oh, hey, Spidey, so I made a new friend today, yeahhh," he said sadly and not into it anymore, "You know...Eddie. Yeah, you know Eddie. Well, after we made a promise to be forever besties, he like...escaped and now I'm feeling sad," he continued, starting to make his way home. "so, anyway, if you're looking for me, I'll probably be in the fridge or in the oven, being consumed by the sudden realization that I'm gonna be forever unlovable. Have fun at work!" He went to end the phone call but suddenly pushed his phone to his face again, in a hurry. "And don't worry, you're still my bestie!"

He then closed it and sighed.

_I loved the Sunday brunch idea_.

"Me too." Wade whispered back.

* * *

 

Peter opened Wade's door which was never locked, a bunch of food dangling in his hands.

"Hey, I brought you ice cream, sorry about your new friend. He kinda sounds like a jerk anyways, you know? You get shot because of him and then he ditches you? Not cool, man. So I thought we could-"

He stopped, looking at the remains of what was actually still in the fridge being scattered around the kitchen.

"Oh hell no!" He said, running towards the fridge, throwing what he had been in his hands on the kitchen table.

He opened the door.

Wade didn't even look up, he simply continued to stare into the nothingness, facial tics being the only way Peter knew he was still conscious. He fiercely took his boyfriend out of the fridge and quickly went to the bedroom to snatch the heavy sheets to cover the popsicle man with it. He then hugged him on top of all that just to be sure. He closed the fridge door with his feet and tried to get some heat in Wade's frozen body.

"Must've been hours," he thought to himself, trying to focus on helping instead of feeling bad for not coming quicker.

"What were you thinking? It should've been just a joke, why-" he tried to get a reaction from Wade but realized in a sigh that he wasn't helping.

Wade blinked and uttered from his dry blue lips:

"It's a bad day."

Peter nodded and continued to pass hands on the other's body to make some heat on his skin. He knew those kind of days. He just didn't have one in, like, a month so he just…forgot. Peter always preferred to not think of this side of Wade.

Once he…he came in and Wade was…well, no need to think of this right now, he thought. It's not helping. It wasn't before and it's not now.

But still...compared to that day, maybe the fridge wasn't so bad.

"Well, at least, it wasn't the oven," Peter said, recalling the message left for him, with a smile, trying to get one on Wade's lips.

But he was too much in his thoughts.

"What are they saying?" He asked, trying to help him, putting his head on Wade's torso.

But even that, Wade didn't hear. So Peter took the frozen chin with his hands and made eye contact with Wade's shivering eyes.

"Wade, what are they saying?"

But Wade simply shook his head.

"I don't want you to know, they-they're wrong, they'll-yes, you are! They'll stop at some…point."

Peter nodded, knowing fully well that he probably didn't want to hear it if Wade said so. So he just hugged him once more, kissed his cold cheek, and passed a loving hand on his temple before getting up and replacing everything in the fridge, including the new things he brought and starting a supper for both of them.

"Sorry for the mess," Wade whispered quickly as if he were in between breaths. He then turned himself to have his back towards Peter.

It would be a long night, but at least, now, he was out of the fridge. He could've not wanted to. Peter tried to see the small victories on such bad days.

The following morning, Peter laid in bed, not even opening his eyes, debating on going to work or not, thinking that letting Wade alone might not be a good idea, but then:

"Petey, my bff is famous, he's from the tv! Quick or you'll miss him!" Shouted a voice from the other room.

Peter dragged his waking body out of bed, realizing that Wade didn't even leave the couch for the whole night. He awkwardly made his way to the living room, half-awake, still a bit of drool around the corners of his mouth.

"What?" He asked, his voice completely broken.

"Look! It's him! They're talking about him!" Deadpool almost screamed, excited and eating his pizza with a big appetite.

"Did you call for pizza at seven in the morning?" Peter asked.

"Are you jealous?" Wade responded with a quick wave of the eyebrows.

Peter simply threw himself on the sofa and on Wade before taking a slice and listening to the actual program.

"... former tv journalist Eddie Brock might be changing the face of journalism in the modern age and yet some could argue that he has fallen, as many good journalists do, to be a vulgar blogger. On this topic today, we have an ex-coworker of Brock's to tell us what he thinks on the matter…"

"So he's a journalist?" Peter asked.

"Guess so." Said Wade, his mouth full of pizza.

And they fell in a deep but comfortable silence as they ate and watched the rest of the news.

"Oh my god!" Wade jumped, energized by a sudden idea. "He could do an interview with Deadpool! That'd be so cool! Oh my god and maybe with you if you're cool about it! Maybe-"

"Maybe we can find him first, get answers as to why he has a black gooey monster inside of him, and _then_ we can think about inviting him to Thanksgiving." Replied Peter, calming his boyfriend down and trying to add some sense to the conversation.

Wade fake wiped a tear from his eyes and said:

"I love seeing our family grow like this."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie Brock was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems really eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. He'll find out that Deadpool might be an annoying depressed killer, but he's no quitter. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and completely absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved and no romance between Wade and Eddie or between Eddie and Venom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter but I'm (with the help of my fantastic beta) doing my best to keep you guys rapidly updated!
> 
> Thanks for the follows and the kuddos you guys! I have so much homework to do right now but I'm sure as hell not giving you up! ;)
> 
> Next chapter, Eddie is confronting his life choices and Spidey is taking control of this mess of a situation!

** Chapter Three **

" _You'll feel your feet becoming deeply grounded as would the vines of a great big tree…_ "

**What are we doing? What-What is this?**

" _Keep taking big breaths in from your nose and out from your mouth. Keep your mind clear, this is your moment…_ "

**I don't like this, Eddie.**

"Well, I do. It helps, okay? So shut it. This is _my_ moment." Eddie hushed.

**Oh my god.**

" _Breath…and exhale…perfect._ "

**She can't hear you, you know?**

"Venom, give me," he started as he looked at his DVD player "Twenty minutes. Jesus this is long, okay, yeah, twenty minutes. I can do twenty minutes. And so can you! Twenty minutes. Of silence. And calm. And sanity."

**Fineeeee**

And Eddie finally felt calmness go through his veins, feeling his shoulders relax a bit. He could do this.

" _In…and out…remember, this is you taking care of your body and your mind-_ "

"Eddie Brock?! This is the San Francisco Police! Please open the door!"

"Oh my god," Eddie cried as he got up to pause his CD and to go scream at this guy for interrupting the first moment of silence he had in the last goddamn weeks, months, years!

"What?! What is it?!" He screamed, not even at the door yet.

**Wait, I don't think-**

He opened the door to see, well, to firstly not see any uniforms but a couple of gangsters who injected a syringe in his neck as soon as he opened the door. Even Venom couldn't react in time and that was a first.

* * *

 

"Yep, now that you mention it, a cold, cold freezing night outside is just what I needed…" stated Deadpool, breathing deeply on the top of the building.

"Really?" Asked Peter, happy to hear it.

"Nope, still depressed, let's go home."

Peter sighed before taking his boyfriend's hand into his.

"C'mon, just stay a tiny bit more. Twenty minutes? How about that?"

"Twenty minutes is a long time, M. Parker, what do you offer in exchange?"

"Well," started Peter, running a finger on the other one's suit. "I could…do the dishes for a whole week."

"In both apartments?" Wade questioned.

Peter hesitated but finally gave in.

"Fine. In both of them."

"Yes!" Screamed Wade and made a small jump to celebrate before sitting at the end of the roof to enjoy the view. "Twenty minutes."

"So, do you want to talk about it?" Asked Peter, unsure as to how to approach this. "Yesterday?"

"It was nothing, just-" but he stopped himself when he had the thought that maybe he shouldn't say what he was about to say.

"You can tell me... if you want." added Spidey, coming closer to him and resting his hand on the other's shoulders.

"It was just… I didn't… feel very good about myself. And I felt like I was desperately worthless and… you know how I joke a lot?"

Spidey nodded.

"Well, I mean a lot of things, you know, and when I actually don't, it's just hard to remember that I don't. Am I making any sense at all? Coz I feel like I'm just rambling and-"

Peter took his gloved hand in his.

"If that's all you feel then it's worth understanding and I do think I get it. Was that… episode… triggered by that thing with Eddie?"

Wade shrugged.

"You know, it's been a while since I had one, maybe it was just bad timing…"

"You know, at some point, you won't have any."

To which Wade simply sadly laughed.

"Sure, kid, sure."

And suddenly Wade's mood seemed to go from 'on the verge' to 'I'm two thoughts away from crying', so Peter whispered that they could go home.

"He's so fucking heavy, what the fuck?" Whispered an angered voice just a few alleys from there.

"Don't damage him, you heard what the boss said," replied another one.

Peter looked at Wade, trying to tell him that they didn't need to worry about it.

"Probably just a sofa they need to move," he said trying to believe himself.

"Oh my god, I think he moved. Quick, paralyze him some more! Fast! Greg, Jesus! Oh, thank god!"

"Be right back," said Peter, while kissing Wade's cheek, before going rapidly towards the voices.

"I'll be in the living room pouring whiskey in Neapolitan ice cream," responded Wade, tired.

"Okay, don't forget that I love you," Spider-Man screamed from afar.

And he was genuinely okay with it. Sometimes Wade skipped some rescuing missions and he was okay with that. He stopped taking hit man contracts for him, he couldn't quite ask him to change his whole value system altogether too. Sometimes Wade didn't give a shit and that was okay. Spiderman was still there to help.

During all the action and everything in between, Peter quickly understood what was happening and knocked out the three men under two minutes. He then proceeded to unmask the kidnapped man and when he found out who it was, he couldn't help but suppress a small laugh. He tried to wake Eddie Brock up, but nothing seemed to do the trick so he decided to drag his unconscious body to Wade's apartment, even though his webs kept wanting to give up on the additional weight. He finally reached his destination and got through the main window which was always unlocked for obvious reasons.

"Heyyy, Wade, I've got a surprise for you!"

* * *

 

**Eddie… Eddie, there's the creep and another red thingy. Edd-iiiieee! Wake up! EDDIE!**

Eddie finally woke up, sweating and automatically on his feet as if, in one second, he drank twenty cups of coffee. All of his body was then quickly covered by the black skin of Venom. He was barely able to see what was in front of him, still a bit drugged, but Venom seemed to be handling things pretty well so...

"Wow, wow! Hey, big slime, relax. We're the good guys. Just stay down… good boy." Said Wade, his hands in the air, not trying to agitate the black monster.

"Oh my god, you're right. He  _does_  have my eyes!" Exclaimed Peter, more fascinated than anything else, sitting on the couch.

**"Why are you following us?... And why are you wearing my eyes?"**

"Uhm…" Started Wade, right in front of him, a big smile under his mask, "We just saved your butt, so like if anyone here is following anyone… okay, yeah that didn't turn out like I planned. Spidey, a little help?"

"What do you mean 'we'? I transported this ton of mucus all over the city and where were you?" Exclaimed Peter, a bit offended.

**"Mucus?"**

"Okay, so no help. Fine, I'm a bad guy. A bad friend and a bad boyfriend. There, is everyone happy?" Screamed Deadpool, giving up.

Venom smiled, licking his teeth with his disgustingly long tongue.

 **"Yes, finally."** Said Venom, taking two steps closer to Wade.

"Wait," suddenly said Wade, stopping the beast in his rhythm. "Am I supposed to get turned on by that, 'cause it's definitely-"

 **"Stop! Talking!"** Screamed Venom, taking Wade by both his arms and lifting him up in the air, ready to snatch his head off and eat everything he could.

Spiderman quickly got off the couch and with a jump on the wall, he gave himself a strong enough boost to not only make Venom back away, but to actually make him collide with the wall too. And still breathless, both Wade and Peter watched as the black goo started disappearing into Eddie Brock's skin.

"...enough…it's…enough…" Eddie painfully murmured, still trembling and looking, quite frankly, like he was gonna die at any moment.

He finally raised his eyes to see the two masked men who helped him. He painfully got up.

"Wait, you're Spider-Man," Eddie exclaimed, still trying to calm himself down. "And you're… that guy from the other night."

Deadpool puffed his chest with pride.

"That I am."

"And that was Venom," Eddie finally said like talking physically pained him. "He's not, um... that bad. Always. Just hungry, I guess."

Peter thought he heard a tiny "sorry" leave Eddie’s pale lips when his frail body suddenly collapsed. Both men quickly jumped to try and catch him before his head collided with the floor as he suddenly fell unconscious. They didn't make it in time, but some kind of bridge of black goo covered his head like a helmet and the fall was almost gently done.

"So this guy gets to have voices that have superpowers AND save his life? And what do I have? Egotistic maniacs? I don't want to be friends with him anymore!" Exclaimed Deadpool, crossing his arms. "I envy him too much! This could never work!"

Peter rolled his eyes and took off his mask, sweating extensively. He took one of Eddie's arms and looked at Wade as he waited.

"So you don't like him anymore, fine, but you do like  _me_! Do you like me enough that you could help me get him inside the bathtub? He's running a fever."

Wade thought about it for a moment before dramatically nodding and helping Peter.

"But don't be surprised when you see what I placed inside the bathtub. It's totally part of my organizational system."

"And you wonder why I still haven't said yes to living together…" responded Peter, trying to push the heavy man towards the bathroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie Brock was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems really eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. He'll find out that Deadpool might be an annoying depressed killer, but he's no quitter. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and completely absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved and no romance between Wade and Eddie or between Eddie and Venom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up, folks!
> 
> Sorry for the wait, this chapter is actually longer than the other ones and it required more revision. Hope y'all having the best of times waiting for this update! ;)
> 
> Quick reminder: In bold, it's Venom talking. In Italics, it's Wade's boxes.
> 
> Now, about the boxes, for those who might not know... The boxes are basically Wade's voices in his mind (named Yellow and White). They're called "boxes" because in the original comics, they weren't normal dialogues (since they're only in Wade's mind) so they were in boxes. Anyway, so Wade has two voices in his head, Yellow and White, and when one of them talks, it's in italics. If you're ever confused, comment or send me a PM! ;)
> 
> Have a great week, guys and thank you for all the kuddos and support! Feel free to comment about anything!
> 
> Next chapter: A trip at the zoo; more about friendship; the club expands(?); more happy stuff...

Eddie woke up in the coldest bath he ever took, feeling pain emanate from every inch of his body. He quickly, out of reflex even, wanted to get out, his lips already shaking just like his whole body. However, the fact that he was still wearing his clothes, which were now completely wet, and his still very weak condition made it so that he wasn't even able to get up out of the water.

"Need any help?" Asked Spider-Man, sitting on the closed toilet seat, checking something on his phone.

"No, I'm good, I've got all the help I need… Venom? Could you, like, help?" Asked Eddie, ashamed he even had to ask.

But then, he only faced silence. He knew Venom was there but it was like the symbiote refused to talk. Which was a first!

"When was the last time you ate?" Asked Spider-Man, now dedicating his full energy to him, placing his elbows on his knees after placing his phone in a secret pocket in his suit.

"I don't know… I ate breakfast… today or, wait, shit, it was yesterday," said Eddie, still trying to reach Venom.

"Last time you slept?" Spidey continued, looking him in the eyes, while Ed was barely aware that they were having a conversation in his barely conscious state.

"Well, yesterday."

"How many hours?"

"Like six, jesus, is this an interrogation?"

"This is what I call an intervention and yes, please answer all my questions, it's important," Said Spiderman, completely serious. "Last time you showered?"

"I'm cold," let out Eddie.

"And I think I know why. Now... last time you showered?" He said, more grave and impatiently.

"Like, five days ago. This is what you want to hear? This is what you want? For me to tell you how gross I am and how I'm not taking care of myself? Why do you care? I don't even know you! I can do what I want!"

Spidey finally got up on his feet, feeling a bit satisfied but not showing it.

"You can. But they can't. That thing that lives with you. If I was them, I wouldn't want that for my host : hunger, fatigue, stress, grossness. Wade keeps telling me about you and about that thing. Seems like you're in a habit of falling unconscious or not even having enough strength to get out of a simple bath. You're relying on them. Soon enough, they're gonna realize it's too much."

"Well if he was so helpful he'd get me out-"

"Just stop whining, Eddie. I've known you for five minutes and yet I think I get it. You're barely alive and you feel okay with that, but someday, Venom - that was their or his name, wasn't it? - won't allow it. Like now, I'm guessing."

And Peter continued to lecture him for quite a bit before telling him exactly how they were gonna spend the rest of the evening, making it clear that Eddie didn't have much choice in the matter,

"Take a shower first. Then get in the clean pyjamas right there. I'll wash your old clothes. We'll eat a nice hot soup and you'll go to sleep at like 8pm like a little kid. Tomorrow, we'll talk, all the four of us, and we'll come up with a plan. Because you can't go back to your apartment, they'll be waiting for you there."

"Where am I gonna sleep?" Asked Eddie, his voice suddenly sounding much, much smaller.

"The couch can be changed for a bed, it'll be ready by 8. Now, get out of this bath and clean yourself," finally said Spidey, sounding more nurturing than before, but quickly returned to his stoic tone. "This has been an intervention on basic self-care."

And he then left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

**I'm still not speaking to you but I just wanted to say that I, for one, love him and will protect him with my life. He's definitely a keeper.**

"Maybe, but he's with the talkative one, the one you don't like," snapped Eddie, sounding frustrated.

**Well, at least they're both on my side. You just need to realize that we're all on yours.**

"Then help me get out of this fucking bath!" Said Eddie a bit louder than planned.

Nothing from Venom.

Eddie kept shivering and his teeth kept clicking together.

"Fuck you!" Exclaimed Eddie, holding the bath tub's sides, trying to roll on it and fall on the floor. Even that he couldn't manage. He felt like breaking into strangled sobs, but his anger was too big so he quietly cried while closing his jaw and pushing as hard as he could.

It took him 15 minutes before he thought of taking off the drain's plug. No more water in the bath, he finally saw how pale his skin was and how his hoodie was now sticking to his skin, how bony he was... he who used to go to the gym everyday. Finally, without the weight of the water, he succeeded in getting out, even if he hurt himself by falling on the floor. He even felt a tiny bit of pride in doing so.

He then took his clothes off which was also a harder task than planned, but succeeded on his own. He slowly got on his feet, holding on to the counter, and then made his way, very slowly, to the shower. He washed himself and felt a new sense of calm energy go through him. He then, as commanded, put the new clothes - a simple man's pajama pants with a Hello Kitty t-shirt. All which weirdly fitted him perfectly and he assumed they were Wade's since Spider-Man seemed a bit too small for that and also the t-shirt was a given.

Finally, after almost an hour, he made his way to the kitchen where a strong spicy aroma hit his nose.

The smell, the small music playing, and even the fading sunlight made Eddie feel a bit more relaxed, but, as soon as he saw Spider-Man (or at least he guessed it was since the young man didn't have any type of costume on him, just cozy pajamas, but as he was about the same height and weight, he assumed he was) and Wade, he kinda felt misplaced in this small apartment.

The couple was facing the stove and, side by side, Spider-Man had his head on Wade's shoulder and an arm around his hips. Wade seemed to be whispering some things to him, but Eddie couldn't quite understand what.

He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. A sudden vision of himself, just over two years ago, being in the same kind of relationship. He seemed to have forgotten that. With the Venom thing and the new online series… how could he possibly forget Anne?

**You said she wouldn't want you… with me.**

"I never said that," exclaimed Eddie, completely taken aback.

Wade and Spider-Man looked his way, both smiling but in a different way, one with a kind sense of nourishment, and the other with a humorous understanding of his position.

**No but you thought about it…**

And he suddenly felt Venom retreat back into himself, isolating himself once again.

"Hey, so you made it," exclaimed Peter gently. "I'm happy you did. Are you hungry? The soup is ready in about five minutes."

Eddie nodded and sat at the chair which the young man pointed to.

"I don't mean to… I know it's private but just so we're clear, you're-"

"I'm Spider-Man," finished Peter. "And until Wade drops my real name by accident, I'd like you to address me as such. As you said, it's private."

"Heeeeeey, I barely do that!" Exclaimed Wade, still calmer than usual, a grin still on his face.

Spider-Man looked at him with an expression that made it quite easy to see that Wade was lying.

"Yeah, no, no problem, man, I get it." Eddie said. "And, um, thank you, I guess for letting me stay the night. Really appreciate it."

Spider-Man simply nodded while Wade, in an apron with a picture of Carrie Fisher in a trashcan on it, started filling the bowls and saying,

"Well, what kind of fr- what kind of vigilante would I be, ugh?"

"I thought you were like on the bad side or something," said Eddie, confused but not being offensive in the least.

"Weeeeeellllllll…" said Wade for at least two legit minutes before stopping as if the subject was closed.

They then all sat at the table and started eating the soup with a glass of water and a good piece of bread.

The scene, once again, felt very weird to Eddie. Maybe it was the fact that he barely knew the other two men or the fact that Venom seemed to have left him alone, or maybe the fact that he was enjoying himself. It suddenly felt very familiar and normal. Like before.

"You're okay, Eddie? You're… smiling weird." Said Spider-Man, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm…" He started to say before changing his mind. "This soup is awfully good, I gotta say…"

To which Wade smiled, proud.

* * *

Quickly after that quiet supper, they cleared the table so that Eddie could go to sleep. Peter was washing the dishes so Wade finally took his chance to talk to Eddie who seemed to be in a surprisingly good mood.

"Hey," simply said Wade, not knowing how to bring up the subject.

Eddie was getting his stuff ready (notably a burrowed phone charger and the pillow and sheets Peter already put together on the couch).

"Hey," Eddie answered back.

"So, I got told by Spidey that you got an intervention… how did it go?"

_You're boring him. Stop that._

_Oh my god, could you stop being mean, White? This IS why we need that intervention next week!_

"It was… something. I don't think I-" started Eddie before being stopped by White.

_Me? I'm the problem? You're just going soft on Wade coz you pity him! He looks like a fried frog, damn it! Show him some respect and tell him the truth._

_Wade is an awesome guy… sometimes… and why would you-_

"Which is weird right? Because they never-" Eddie continued.

_You're just a coward, Yellow, pull your socks up and own it!_

_Now don't you start with me, you piss-_

"But I think I'll be better tomorrow. It should… all settle down, I guess." Finished Eddie.

And Wade felt conflicted. Peter always allowed him to simply say, "Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the noise", which meant that the boxes were talking, but now… with Eddie…

He guessed it would be a relatable moment.

"You know when Venom talks at the same time as someone else and you just can't understand a single word from anyone because you're just trying to listen to both but you can't?" Said Wade, quite bluntly.

Eddie let out a small laugh, while nodding multiple times.

"Yeah! It happens all the time. Not now, he's not… talking right now." He said.

"Well," replied Wade "It just happened to me, so if you could, maybe… say that again?"

_Coz it was so fun the first time around!_

_Shut up!_

Eddie sized him up for some time before saying,

"You really have voices?"

Wade simply nodded.

"Since when?" Eddie asked.

Wade let out a big breath, trying to think about how to tell someone how a random writer decided to add boxes to his character while never explaining why and leaving that task to someone else as if suddenly adding sadistic and mean voices to Deadpool's mind could go unnoticed, but that was brutally stopped by Peter saying to the both of them:

"Well, I'm off. Don't stay up too late or I'll know." He said, walking to the only bedroom.

_See? Discipline! Order! That's why we love and NEED Peter!_

_Oh, Yellow, I don't think we love him for the same reasons…_

"For too long. For very _very_  too long," Wade answered with a big smile, trying to hide the fact that he really wanted to scream or hit himself on the head.

Eddie seemed to get it.

"Well, sometimes they act up, but that always passes. Even they have breaks. Thank god!"

But then his whole face turned white with surprise before a laugh escaped from his mouth.

"Or maybe not. He just said that he 'heard that'!" Said Eddie, sitting on the couch.

Wade simply nodded and smiled at the anecdote.

"We'll talk more about it tomorrow, I guess," said Eddie. "Oh and could you do me a favor?"

"Sure. Anything for a member of the Sad Boyz Club!" Said Wade, excited to be of service.

"I don't know how to turn the lights off here. I've never been to this apartment so I don't know which switch to-"

"I got you, no worries, Eddie-o."

They looked at each other, thankful in a similar way to have each other.

"Thanks and, well, good night." Said Eddie.

"Sweet dreams to you and Black Jell-O." Responded Wade, slowly closing the lights one by one.

Eddie gave a small laugh.

"Venom says good night."

Wade nodded and went to his room. Peter was in bed, reading a science-y book.

He almost jumped onto the mattress on Peter's side. He couldn't help but grin. His page finished, the younger man closed his book.

As he saw Wade's grin, he couldn't help but grin too.

"Something you want to share?" He asked Wade who was jittering in weird excitement.

"I have a boyfriend and a best friend living under my roof, I have-" but he slowly faded out, his eyes being filled with tears. He quickly wiped his face and went to the bathroom door (the second door of the said bathroom which was accessible via the bedroom).

"I'll go take a shower, I think," Wade said, changing the subject, putting distance between him and Peter.

"Wait, Wade."

But he didn't stop and locked the door behind him, locking Peter outside. Peter knocked multiple times, using a calm voice.

"Wade don't do this, don't isolate yourself. Please. We'll just talk. It's going to be fine and if it's not, we can stop."

He waited a very long time, but finally, Wade opened the door slightly before going back in the empty tub.

"Thank you," murmured Peter, surprised that Wade would open it so fast. Normally it would have taken multiple hours. Once, it took three days.

"Can I come in?" He asked again, but this time, pointing towards the bathtub where Wade was sitting in. The other nodded and Peter placed himself on the other end, looking Wade right in his reddened eyes. He slowly took the other's hand and started massaging it. At this time, it was the only thing he could do to help Wade. He didn't know what to say.

"White doesn't believe I should… have you. Both of you. Neither of you." Started Wade, looking at their hands.

"And what is Yellow thinking?" Asked Peter, very calmly.

"He's… He's saying I'm bad for you guys -yeah I know what you said, I'm just summarizing, it's-" he suddenly stopped, rushing his unoccupied hand towards his mouth in a violent move.

Leaning on himself even more, the normally quite tall man only made himself look smaller. Peter usually didn't notice the "sick" aspect of his boyfriend's condition, but now, it was all he could see and he couldn't suppress a sense of  _déjà vu_  that washed over him when a few hours earlier, he saw another ill man in the very same bathtub.

"You can talk to them in front of me." He said, trying to appease the other man.

Wade shook his head, tears pouring from his eyes.

"When you're ready." Peter added.

But Peter was already trying to stop his own tears. Seeing Wade like this broke his heart and he now was thinking that maybe he had been too rough on Eddie. Maybe he should've been more compassionate like he was right now.

"So tonight is bad. That happens. They might have the upper hand right now but it'll fade. Wade. Wade? It'll fade. It's gonna be okay." He said, holding the other man's face with his hands. "And you know what? Tomorrow, we'll go to the zoo and we'll eat at a restaurant and we'll then go see if there isn't any fairs going on somewhere. Tonight is bad. Tomorrow will be better."

Wade shook his head again.

"You have work tomorrow." He said, his voice still shaking.

"C'mon, you know I wouldn't miss the zoo for any job!"

"And Peter... with two hot messes… with animal designed hats… that wouldn't be something to miss."

Peter smiled.

"We'll get the hats for everyone," promised Peter.

"Oh! And I'll get that disposable camera they sell at the convenience store! And we'll get snacks there too!" Suddenly said Wade, forgetting for a second about his current state of mind.

"Wade. We both have phones with cameras and I already own, like, three cameras."

"But it'll be special!"

So how could he refuse?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved, no Eddie/Wade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks! Here's a new chapter for y'all! I know I said in the previous chapter that the club would be expending, but this part was actually bigger than I expected so the new addition for the group will only arrive in the next chapter. Stay tuned! And happy holidays, take care of yourselves!
> 
> I just wanted a bit of hope and happiness from the Sad Boyz so here you go (and I think we all deserve some hope in this time of year). Enjoy!

"I gotta say, I was feeling weird about this whole 'zoo' thing, but you know what? I get it." Said Eddie, looking to see if the bears would come out of their caves eventually.

Peter nodded calmly, his tiger hat was only barely on his head so he was being careful with every movement he made.

"I was too at first... the first time he took me here, I mean." Peter admitted. "But Wade was always good at convincing me."

Eddie looked at the young man who was obviously reliving some fond memory in his mind. He felt a sudden pang in his chest. He missed having that look, he missed Anne.

**Then why you didn't think about her or call her in the last two months, hmmm, loverboy?**

Eddie wasn't gonna reply in front of Peter, but then:

"Eww, don't call me that!" He said, repulsed.

But he quickly turned his eyes to Peter, afraid the young man would judge him. Only, he didn't, he just smiled at him humorously. And then quickly changed the subject. Eddie barely had the time to feel embarassed.

"You know where he took me on our first date?" Asked Peter, looking back at the bear cave.

"I can't say that… in fact, I can't imagine it."

**You and me both, sister.**

Peter didn't make anything of it.

"A library," Peter said, still smiling. "And we just went row by row and he would make funny comments and sometimes I would summarize one of the books if I read them. At the time, I was in uni so I would spend my whole days there…"

"Then why would you want to go on a date there?" Asked Eddie. "Sounds kinda boring, if I'm being honest."

"Well, I did ask him why he took me there… and he said that it was exactly because I spent so much time there. He said that now this library would remind me of him. And it did. Everyday. Made studying harder though. Oh and he stole a book so my friendship with the librarian after that was kinda over."

"He did what?!" Eddie exclaimed, making other people around them turn their heads.

"Yeah, I just explained to him what  _Cyrano de Bergerac_  was about. He said 'neat!' and ran to the exit with it." Peter laughed.

"No way…" whispered Eddie, kind of surprised and kind of not.

**I ship it, said Venom with certainty and a bit of emotion in his tone.**

"Venom is very moved by your story," shared Eddie, thinking it was funny.

But Peter looked at him, pleasantly surprised.

"Really? Oh he's such a cool guy!" Said Peter.

**Haha. Third-wheel-Eddie.**

"I'm right here!" Screamed the journalist, offended.

"Yeah, and where is Wade? I mean, getting three sodas shouldn't take so long. Maybe he forgot the animal we were gonna wait by. Do you think we should-?"

"Oh no," said Eddie, looking straight towards him.

**HahaaahahaahaHaAHaaAhhHA**

"What?" Said Peter before looking in front of him.

Wade was running. From the bear caves. Chased by three bears. And he had also spilled the sodas.

"For God's sake-" started Peter before, out of pure instinct, pitching his hat on the floor and jumping above the fence into the bear zone.

"Are you crazy?! What?!" Screamed Eddie, eyes wide open and arms in the air as he saw Peter running towards Wade to help him.

**I feel weirdly compelled to… join in.**

"What? No, no-no-no! Absolutely not!"

* * *

"So there  _is_  such a thing as a zoo prison," said Wade, trying to lighten the mood. "Interesting… but also redundant."

Eddie hummed, semi humored, semi still pissed there were being in custody.

In what was more a "shame corner" than an actual cell, the three grown men waited for the guard to come back with a surely inspired speech about how he should call the cops but he won't because it was a one time thing and blah blah blah…

The guard finally came back into the minuscule detention room.

"I called the cops," he said, as if he was ordering in the drive-thru of a McDonalds.

"What the fuck?!" Let out Peter.

"C'mon, man, for real?" Complained Eddie, getting up.

"Mister, I'll ask you to please sit on the bench and to lower your tone," cautioned the guard.

"Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boyz, bad boyz…" Simply replied Wade, feeling it.

"Sir, no singing."

To which Deadpool dropped everything before getting up aggressively yet abruptly to only be two centimeters away from his and the guard's noses touching.

"I'm sorry, pal, what did you just fucking say to me? This is the United States and I'm innocent until proven guilty and like… Amendments and Constitution!"

"Sir," started the guard, shaking in his boots. "We have at least thirty eyewitnesses and you were just singing 'bad boyz'..."

"Well," said Wade as if he was gonna reply with a sick threat… "You're actually right. Fair point right there, my dear authority figure."

Wade returned to the bench and put a hand on Eddie who was still on his feet so they would both sit.

"I only have one question, now, dear guard of the total eclipse of my heart…" Said Wade, very calmly.

"Oh boy…" Said Peter, putting a hand on his face, feeling what was coming.

"Yes?" Asked the guard, confused about the drastic change of tone.

"Do we need to wait for the cops to give you our identities or do you have them already, or…?"

"Hmmm, well, no, the cops will-"

But he didn't get the time to finish before Wade took the first thing he could find (namely a stapler) to hit the man's head with. The guard simply let out a scream of pain and Wade, annoyed that he didn't fall unconscious, took the second thing he could find, a potted plant, and threw it. This time, the guard fell to the floor, suddenly mute.

"Waaaaaaade, the plant!" Complained Peter.

"Peteeeeeerrrrr, the police!" Complained Wade.

A faint smile formed on Peter's face before the smile vanished as soon as it came and was replaced by an expression of pure panic when he remembered what Wade had just said. He then turned to look at Eddie who definitely got his first name.

Wade simply walked to the door, ready to go, not realizing what he just said.

"I heard nothing," whispered Eddie to Peter.

"It's fine," said Peter, still more worried about their situation than anything else.

"Oh shit, I totally forgot," said Wade, coming back into the room.

"Wade, it's fine, I trust-" started Peter.

"We need to take a photo in here, what was I thinking?!" Exclaimed his boyfriend, taking his disposable camera out. "Say 'Bad Boyz' on three! One. Two. Three!"

He then took the picture with the unconscious guard in the right corner, Eddie looking confused just a bit higher, and Peter giving sass to the camera while Wade was smiling (or at least, he was under the mask anyways).

"Yes…" Wade said, satisfied. "Oh, and sorry for the name dropping, love of my life, won't happen again." Briefly said Wade, walking out of the room for real.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that." Peter said, exiting after him.

"But the… There's a man… The guard… Shouldn't we…?" Eddie tried to say to... no one apparently.

**Eddie, stop it… you look crazy.**

Eddie sighed as he then went out of the room as well, reassured that the guard was breathing.

* * *

_Well this is awkward._

_What? No. It's fine. It's just three adult males eating at McDonald's in silence, just… having the time of their lives._

Peter's phone vibrated and as he looked at who was calling, he made an apologetic face towards his boyfriend and, stepping out, told Eddie he would be right back.

"He's kind of a… He's got a... parental vibe going on, doesn't he?" Said Eddie, trying to see if it was only him feeling paternalized.

_YESSSS! Thank you, that's exactly what I've been saying!_

"... Nah. He's just protective. He worries a lot." Said Wade.

_I really don't want to say that I agree with White, but…_

"Maybe a bit bossy sometimes… It's just part of his charm."

Deadpool's eyes didn't leave Peter one second through the building's window. He knew exactly what was going on. But he tried to stay calm. He didn't want to-

_Those punk-asses are completely using him without even initiating him into the team, fucking-_

_The Avengers are the worst, thinking they're so righteous!_

_Yeah! Meanwhile, they did more damage than even Dead fucking Pool!_

_I mean… I don't know about that…_

_Oh, they fucking did! You didn't hear about that city or country - I don't even know at this point- they totally hiroshima'd? Fucking snakes-_

_Since when are you so all about saving lives, White? This dialogue doesn't make any sense._

"I wanted to ask…" Started Eddie, definitely more timid than two minutes before.

"No, you may not have any of my fries," replied Wade, jokingly.

Eddie laughed briefly.

"Oh, Peter's coming back, act natural, I didn't say anything." Hurried Eddie to take as many nuggets in his mouth as possible.

"Well, he has-"

"I have super-hearing, it's too late," said Peter, coming back, sitting on Wade's lap this time. He looked at his boyfriend with raised eyebrows. "And I'm bossy? Please! I'm simply a big defender of order."

_Haha._

_Shut up, Yellow._

Wade smiled and put his arms around Peter.

"Now, I know we said we would spend all day together, but-"

"I know, it's fine. Go get the bad guys or whatever. You got help?" Asked Deadpool, sad eyes behind his mask.

"Tony and - don't say anything - Banner, will both be there. Completely safe. I promise." Peter said, giving Wade a big kiss on his masked cheek. "We're good?"

"Of course we are," Wade rolled his eyes. "Just text me if you don't sleep at my place."

Peter looked at Eddie.

"And you say  _I'm_  parental? Wade's way worse." Peter then turned to Wade. "Can I get an under the mask kiss today?"

Wade thought about it for some seconds then nodded.

"For real?"

Wade nodded again and Peter excitedly rolled his boyfriend's mask up to his nose to give him a fast but loving kiss. He then rolled it back down. Wade didn't wear his costume in front of him anymore, but since Eddie had been at the apartment and they had been out all day- consent is the key!

_Ewwww_

_Arggg_

"I'll see you later!" He then turned to Eddie "You keep an eye on my boyfriend for me?"

Eddie nodded seriously.

"Good. And Venom, sweetie?" He said with a slightly higher voice before he waited two seconds just to be sure he had his attention. "Don't kill anyone, please. I'd much much appreciate it!"

Eddie felt out of place but simply translated.

"He said he's gonna try."

"Well that's my boy! Okay, boyz, see you later and please don't wreck havoc while I'm out." Peter said, leaving the place and stealing some of Wade's fries for the road.

A silence fell flat between Eddie and Wade.

_We forgot to ask where he was going! What if he gets hurt?_

_What if he leaves us for good?_

"So do you mind if I take some fries too-?" Eddie started.

"Don't you dare," replied Wade venomously.

* * *

And so, of course, the next thing on the agenda for two grown adults would be… getting some frozen yogurt with everything on top and going home fast enough to still have some for when they started watching  _Annie_.

"Is that honestly all you do? Like, eating?" asked Eddie, again, more curious than defensive, filling two bowls, one for himself and one for Venom.

"No, I exercise a lot." replied Deadpool.

"Seems a bit pointless…"

"Life is pointless," replied Deadpool with a sad grin.

"Point taken." continued Eddie, before changing the subject, feeling Wade's mood lessen. "Okay, but which Annie, the new one or the old one?"

Deadpool stopped right away to look at him, paralyzed, while the frozen yogurt was still pouring into his bowl and onto his gloves.

"What do you mean, the  _new_  one?"

And Eddie smiled big, knowing what this meant.

And Wade smiled fully.

"A marathon! Yesssssss…"

"Oh, I'm so down for that! Yes! In which order do you think we should-" Started Eddie before being interrupted.

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you Eddie Brock, sir?" asked a small woman in a school uniform, holding her phone as a recorder to Eddie's face.

He looked at her, confused, while Wade made a big "no" with his face in the background.

"Um… I might be. Why?"

"I'm the editor in chef of the Hamilton school Gazette, sir, and I would only want to ask a few questions. It would mean the world to all our readers," she said, a bit nervous but still trying to keep her professional expression.

Wade did signs of cutting his throat, meaning "abort! abort!".

"Um, sure. Go ahead."

Wade slapped his forehead.

"Oh my god, thank you so much!" She said excited, before whispering to herself. "God, I'm glad I broke my diet here and now."

Eddie laughed a bit, holding two bowls in his hands.

"Okay, so first question. After the big hit of the first episode of your new web channel, the viewers only have one question in mind... when is the next episode gonna upload? Do you have a schedule, Mr. Brock, or is it almost done?"

"Uh…"

Eddie, with everything happening, completely forgot about his web channel. And he, who had been on live television for years, couldn't even improvise in front of a simple recorder.

"... issues with edits…" whispered Wade, far away.

"What?" asked Eddie, a bit too loudly.

"Say we're working on some issues with the edits," said Wade, trying to help.

"I'm sorry, sir, is… Deadpool your… technical advisor…?" asked the young editor-in-chef.

"No, I mean, sure, at this point," said Eddie, starting to sweat from everywhere.

"But do mention me by the name of Alejandro, the sexy yet tender camera man, please. This needs to be top secret," said Deadpool, half-joking.

"Oh, are you okay, sir?" asked the young lady to Eddie.

"No, I'm sorry, another time, again, sorry… We're doing the edits, sorry."

And Eddie went out, cursing under his breath, leaving his bowls inside. Wade followed him, right after taking the name of the school a second time, promising they would come by some time.

"Fuck, fuck! Shit! I completely fucking forgot! I do one good thing in years and then boom, I just forget? That's stupid and fucking crazy! Shit!" Eddie exploded in the alley by the frozen yogurt shop.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay!" said Wade, calmly.

"No, coz that's what always happens. I fucking forget everything. I- I CAN'T THINK WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE!" He screamed, running his fingers through his hair and tugging as if he wanted to pull every last strand out.

"Hey, Eddie, we'll do the episode. It's gonna be alright. It's something we can do, okay? Let's start with things we can do. It's gonna be fine." Wade didn't really know what to say and he was trying to think of what Spidey said to calm him down.

But now Eddie fell to his knees, his head almost resting on his legs as he was trying to breath.

"Okay, Eddie? Venom help and shut up or do the same thing as me. Eddie? Innnnnn… And outtttt… We breath in… And out…."

After about two minutes, Eddie was capable of breathing at the same time and it took him a bit more strength to look up, but when he did, he absolutely regretted doing so.

"What the fuck is this?! The White House of Frozen Yogurt?! Is this Hell?" He exclaimed.

"What? Why?" asked Wade, suddenly confused.

"Shiiiiiiiit, what do I look- no, don't answer, I look like shit. Shit!"

"Okay, Ed, what the fuck is happening?"

"Her. Gray suit. Did she see me? Please tell me she didn't."

Wade looked and saw a blonde-ish woman talking to a man, both getting out of their car to go get some delicious dessert.

"I don't think so… The blonde one?"

"Hide me. Hide me." Exclaimed Eddie, trying to get in Wade's shadow.

But Venom started to slowly get all over his skin.

"No not you, you fucking fool! Everything but you!" Suddenly screamed Eddie, panicked, before hearing himself. "Shit, sorry, buddy, thanks but not like that. I'm so sorry. Fuck! Why am I crying? She can't see me cry! Wade? This is very important…"

Wade looked at him, not knowing why he suddenly felt like a soldier in a dangerous attack by the enemy.

"Wade, I'm gonna count to three, at three, we're-"

"Eddie, is that you?" Started a voice, a bit too close to feel comfortable.

"Three!" screamed Eddie, eyes panicked.

And Wade and him ran as fast as they could in the direction opposite to Anne. An uncontrollable laugh escaped from both men.

* * *

The two of them were now on top of some random building, filming some wide shots of the city to fill the next episode, whatever it might talk about. Venom's head was now out of Eddie, giving his opinion as if he was some kind of retired producer.

Wade was simply weirded out by the sight of a double gooey head coming out of Eddie's body. But the journalist seemed to take it quite normally so Wade guessed it wasn't the first time.

"The ET with two heads from Men in Black! Oh thank god! The relief! I swear it was on the tip of my tongue all this time and I couldn't focus, but yeah that's exactly what you guys look like.

**"Fairly rude," said Venom, uninterested.**

"Yeah," added Eddie, feeling offended.

But the fact that they both agreed, nodding to one and other only made Wade laugh harder.

"Okay, yeah, so sorry… sorry…" Wade exclaimed, still laughing a bit. "Okay but let's talk coz my voices are being boring right now, so how about we discuss that run we had earlier?"

**"That was Anne. Eddie's ex-partner." Said Venom matter-of-factly.**

"Shut up," said Eddie, finally putting his camera back into his huge bag (they had to make a quick in-and-out of his apartment to find it). "I didn't bring it up earlier and now-"

**"Chicken," simply said Venom, having none of it. "You were gonna ask him. Why not now?"**

"Well, coz now it's weird," said Eddie, making a vague movement with his hands to emphasize the whole situation.

"Gonna ask me what?" Asked Wade, feeling more used to Venom's physical appearance already. It made a lot of their conversations easier actually.

**"How you-" started Venom before being stopped by Eddie.**

"I can speak for myself!" He shouted before Venom stopped. "Thank you. I was just wondering how you… you know… maintained a relationship… even with the voices. Like how did you bring it up. What do you do to stop it or how do the both of you just… get over it? I'm scared coz I feel like everyone is gonna think I'm crazy. I feel suddenly so…"

**"Unlovable."**

Wade nodded. Then took a deep breath...

"I know… Listen, kid-" he started.

"We're almost the same age," Eddie retorted.

"I know it's hard… Like, I knowwwwwwww. I have the face of a rotten avocado and I make jokes every time I feel an emotion coming on, okay?" Wade said, completely ignoring Eddie's remark. "Oh and I have two sadistic voices inside my head! So that's also something… Like, I'm damaged, like, I'm not okay, you know? Now, that being said, I don't know what you're going through coz I don't have a Black Jello in my pants. Although Venom is a remarkable individual."

**"Indeed."**

"He eats people! Can people remember that for two seconds? I gotta live with that!" Exclaimed Eddie with a bit of humor.

"But what I can tell you is that, no matter what… There's always a tiny bit of love hidden somewhere... A bit of love the world smuggled in just for you. And if it's not Anne, then there's someone else, Eddie. Always. No matter what."

"But what if it's Anne…" murmured Eddie."It has to be her."

"Then first thing, my man, you don't run the other way when you see her." Said Wade with a laugh. "Like that's 101."

Eddie started laughing.

"But if it's her, then we'll get you out of those sweatpants and we'll ask her if she's ready for that kind of thing. Now, I saw she was maybe with someone… a brother?"

Venom's head went from left to right.

"Hmm… Tricky."

Eddie looked at the floor.

"That's her new boyfriend, god he's so much better than me and- fuck!"

"I'm sure that-"

But Venom looked Wade in the eyes and yet again shook his head in a clear "no".

"He's that great?" asked Wade, not believing it.

But Venom nodded, as if it was the most certain fact he ever told anyone.

"Well shit."

To which Venom nodded another time before growing an arm to pat Eddie's back. Wade mainly did the same thing and put his hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"Like I said… if it's not her, it's someone else. You see, in only two days, I got used to Venom and he's like… a quality that you have now. It's like… two friends for one." said Deadpool, not even thinking about it.

But both Eddie and Venom raised their heads to look at him in confusion.

"That's so weird…" said Eddie.

**"…but sweet," said Venom with a smile. "Thank you, Wade."**

"No problem, you beautiful ectoplasm," answered Deadpool.

And Venom got back into Eddie's body in slow motion.

"Well, I'm done so I guess we could like-"

"Thank Death, my ass must be as flat as a pita from all this sitting on concrete. I just want to see the new Annie, now!" Exclaimed Deadpool.

"... it's not that good," tried Eddie.

"Bitch, you slippin'! You're just trying to lower my expectations coz you got me all hyped!"

"Okay, you caught me," said Eddie, laughing.

And Wade smiled and even though his eyes were once again sad, he was just glad they didn't talk about mental illnesses. Only love. He could be hopeful because of that. He had Peter, which was the best thing that could ever happen to him… His voices? His mind, though? That he couldn't be hopeful about. He didn't know what the next day or next week held for him. He didn't know when the next panic attack or fits of anger or complete desperation would hit him. But he needed to be hopeful, he realized. He remembered Peter reading to him one night, some story about a fish and an old man: "It is silly not to hope." He had said. He guessed that was right.

Wade sang in the breeze.

"Tomorrow

Tomorrow!

I love ya tomorrow

You're always a day away….."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie Brock was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems really eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. He'll find out that Deadpool might be an annoying depressed killer, but he's no quitter. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and completely absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved and no romance between Wade and Eddie or between Eddie and Venom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy so many of you are reading this completely insane idea I had coming out of the theatre from seeing Venom! This is honestly so magical to me! ZD And I love writing about those three dumbasses so... But this story will only have one or two chapters left after this one, I can feel it. So please let me know if you're enjoying this style of ff or this dynamic in the comments and also, let me know if you'd read more! It'll help me know what I should do next! But don't worry, it's not finished yet! :)
> 
> As promised, the Sad Boyz Club is growing and I made this chapter short and sweet because I feel like we all need carefree fun in this day and age. I don't want to bring you guys down. If I ever write a scene with depressing emotions or panic attacks or anything in the future, I'll be sure to tell you! But for now, enjoy, please! And don't forget to let me know what you think in the comments! Thanks y'all and thank you for the comments and the kuddos! ;)

"This can't really be happening," exclaimed Wade, dramatically. "Like, I'm not one for consistency and not breaking any rules, but this is downright absurd!"

"You're exaggerating a bit," Peter whispered back.

"Am I, though?!" Wade screamed back.

"Yes. You are," responded Peter, a bit louder.

" _Am I, though?_ " Repeated Deadpool, as if it proved anything.

"Yes! Now get your fucking butt on that chair and eat that goddamn meal and please stop being mean when we have visitors!" Screamed Peter.

Wade waited several seconds, challenging his boyfriend with his eyes, but something finally gave up in him. Spiderman saw it and took his boyfriend's shoulders, smiling at him.

"Look, after I saw how Eddie helped you and how you helped Eddie, I just thought that… I don't know. Look, Wade, look at me, I'm serious with this. I know you don't like him, but Bruce and you are very similar. Don't laugh. You both have to share your lives with entities and you're both mostly moody."

"What do you mean? I'm basically a rainbow of happiness!" Exclaimed Wade, holding a finger in the air in objection.

"Want me to remind you of the stayed-in-the-fridge-coz-only-the-cold-could-hold-my-sadness incident?" Asked Peter.

"Which one?" Said Wade.

"My point exactly. Listen, he's just trying to get over Natasha and I think making some new friends could help. Can you just be civil? For me?"

"You know, guys, if you wanted, I really could go-" said Bruce, sitting to their table, awkwardly close to the little pep talk the couple was having.

"Don't you dare disgrace my boyfriend's hospitality by leaving so soon," Wade reacted, finally nodding to a very discouraged Peter before sitting at the table. "We'll have a lovely brunch, I'll want to hear about some funny anecdotes from work and you'll ask nice and polite questions about our relationship. Deal?"

"It's just… I could hear your whole discussion and I don't know if I'm comfortable-" said Bruce, playing with his glasses, nervously.

"Well suck it up, Dr Jekyll coz this is about to get so freaking neat and polite in here, it'll snatch Downton Abbey's wig, am I clear?" Corrected Wade, pressing the matter.

Bruce looked at Peter but the man was too busy laughing and looking genuinely in love with Deadpool to be of any help. Bruce simply nodded, almost shaking under the stress.

"Good, now, my love, you're sure you don't need any help in the kitchen," asked Wade, his voice suddenly much softer as he looked at his lover.

"Well… I could use some help setting the table, if you would be so kind," said Peter with a somewhat British accent.

Wade got up, gave him a peck on the cheek, and smiled at him while taking all the things necessary to the task.

"Of course, love of my life," Wade said.

* * *

**So… We've been staying at Peter's and Wade's place a long time…**

Eddie was currently sitting on top of a building (because apparently that's what people with abilities do), working on his questions, since he succeeded at having an interview with a very conservative senator and although he said he wanted to talk about her charity and the wonderful work it has done, creating shelters for the homeless all over the country, he had a source employed by this very same organization doing their books and… well… Ms. Senator will have a great surprise when he'll be able to expose her numbers right in front of her and the watchers, live. All this to say that he didn't really pay attention to what Venom was saying.

"Yeah, a few nights." he said, vaguely, still unsure about the question he was writing. "It's just not smug enough," he said out loud about his work.

**A few nights, yes… And you know how my love for Peter and Wa- well my love for Peter is indescribable by your very humble and simplistic human languages-**

"Venom, cut to the chase, I have a lot of work and I don't have time for your poetic serenades!"

**We've been sleeping on a couch for almost a week is what I'm trying to say, Eddie. I know your self-worth is below zero, but that doesn't mean that-**

"Hey, hey, wait, okay…"

Venom shut up for a second, waiting smugly.

"It's- It's a least a two. And with my favorite jeans, I'd push it to a four."

**Sophism is what I hear when you talk, and hurt is what I am when I wake up from the couch. I say you ask for a bed or we're going to the motel.**

"Venom, it's not how it works," exclaimed Eddie, finally letting his work on the side. "They're helping us, okay, they're doing us a favor, I can't ask for more. And- And you're a fucking alien inside my damn skin, what do you mean you're hurt?"

**Um… It's called empathy for the host.**

"Oh, so I see. You're hurt coz you think I'm uncomfortable? You think that  _I_  think I deserve better? You wanna know something, pal? I think that, actually, this is where I deserve to be, no, it's not even "deserve", coz I don't  _deserve_  to be there. It's like a goddamn gift. They see me and they see you and they're like 'well, quite peculiar, yes, but nothing shocking about it, really'-"

**They don't sound like that, who do you think you're doing?**

"Their couch? It's like a- a palace, because they like me and they… What the fuck, right? I'm a total nutcase with an alien coming out of my pores, what the fuck is wrong with them?"

**I think your 4 and 2 may be falling there, Ed.**

"Maybe, okay, so I have my issues, but that's the point, V. I'm half sane with or without you and I have zero self-esteem-"

 **I said** _**below** _ **zero.**

"- and they still like me. It… It didn't happen since Anne. No one… Everybody left me. With good reasons, I'm not mad or anything, it's just…"

**It feels good, doesn't it? To have someone?**

Eddie smiled before saying:

"... yeah."

**That's how I felt when I found you.**

"Weren't you scared I would go away?" Eddie said with a small voice.

**I was certain you would go away. But then you just… didn't. I think you mostly got used to it and didn't want to make the effort to actually pull me out-**

"Not totally wrong there-"

**\- but the point is that we both needed someone, and we were there. You're there and I'm there. And that's reassuring. And that's what Wade must be finding in you… and Peter. Do you want me to deliver you some wisdom I've been cooking these past few days?**

Eddie laughed a bit.

"You've said plenty, but sure, fire away, Chief."

**Sometimes…**

"Yep?"

**It's nice to… not be alone.**

Eddie laughed.

"Yeah, you- you got me there, buddy. Can't deny that."

**Eddie?**

"Hmm?" asked Eddie, still somewhat laughing.

**I think I should write a self-help book.**

To which Eddie simply burst out laughing, meanwhile Venom was simply confused as to when he said something funny. But Eddie continued to laugh, and it did make him feel better.

* * *

Hours later and some groceries in hands, Eddie was back at the apartment. Knowing the door wouldn't be locked, he simply came in, screaming:

"Knock, knock, guess who's back?"

And Venom came out of Eddie's skin just to scream:

**"Back again?"**

"What the fuck is that?" screamed a voice Eddie didn't recognize.

**"Who are you calling a fuck, pal?"**

Right in front of him, Wade, Peter and some other man were sitting at the table playing something involving cards and all the three of them were looking at Venom and him with wide eyes. Peter was trying to bite his lip to not laugh, but Wade's jaw simply dropped and wonder shined in his eyes. Finally, the third man was completely taken, staring at Venom's head coming out of Eddie's shoulder.

"We're totally doing karaoke night, now!" Exclaimed Wade in the awkward silence.

"Is this- Is this a bad time?" Eddie asked, looking at the stranger.

"Peter," asked the stranger, "is this normal? He… He has a black head coming out of his shoulder, Peter."

"Yes, it's… it's somehow normal, Bruce."

Eddie then looked at him with a new light, dropping his groceries on the floor.

"Wait!?" Eddie screamed. "You guys brought Batman into the apartment? What the- This is so awesome!"

Bruce closed his eyes, exasperated, and took his head in his hands.

"Oh shit, was that a secret?" Asked Eddie, freaked out. "Sorry, man, I wasn't trying to 'out' you…"

"Eddie…" Stopped Peter.

"Don't you dare stop this," said Wade to Peter, suddenly serious.

"I'm not Batman, I'm Bruce Banner." Said the stranger.

Eddie thought about it for some seconds and looked at Venom, still confused.

"It's not Batman," he said to Venom, summarizing.

**"Then it's boring," said Venom before coming back inside Eddie's skin.**

"Ewww, what the… Peter, we'll need to talk about this. Coz this is… Is this alien?"

"It actually is and if you could refer to 'it' as 'Venom' or 'he', that would be kind. We had that whole existential crisis last month, thank you, I don't want to trigger anything!"

"Eddie, could you please join me in the kitchen, I'll help you with the groceries," said Peter, firmly.

"Of course," he said, before taking back the groceries from the floor.

When he came close to Wade, he simply whispered:

"I don't like him…"

And Wade started laughing so hard, even Eddie got creeped out.

Once in the kitchen, Peter whispered to him, placing the things in the fridge with Eddie's help.

"It's Bruce Banner, it's a… work friend. I thought since you guys clicked so much, Wade and you, that it would do the same with Bruce, since… well I don't know if I should say it, but since you don't know and it's relevant… He's Hulk. Well,  _he_  is not Hulk, but Hulk lives-"

"Holy shit, you're Hulk?" Screamed Eddie.

"Well,  _I_  am not Hulk, but-"

"Oh my god, I love Hulk, and even more now that I have my own Hulk. Well… Kinda. But that's so cool! How are you, man? What's going on in your life?" Eddie said, sitting at the table, in front of Bruce, excited.

Wade looked at the two of them, suddenly frustrated, then looked at Peter:

"I hope you're happy. Your friend stole mine."

Peter rolled his eyes. How could he be the youngest of the four and still be the more mature one? He simply finished putting the groceries away, telling himself that at least they had some food to eat now.

Quite quickly, Bruce and Eddie talked about the creature that lived inside them and, as the conversation went on, Wade made some remarks, concerning his own voices, though they didn't have any corporeal form, and the boys slowly began to relate to one and other. And the laughs became easier and so did the more sad and serious confessions. By the end, Bruce had totally adopted Venom and probably liked him more than the two other men. Peter, not wanting to disturb the dynamic and knowing how important it could be to Wade, didn't say anything and made some bowls of chips and some tea for the boys from time to time while serving himself. He tried to read, but his ears kept lingering to the conversation the three men had. But most of it, it was his heart, getting softer with each laugh from Wade.

From what started as a joke, the Sad Boyz Club did real good for the ex-mercenary, even Peter could see it. The man didn't have a bad episode in a few days and his mood was slightly better. Also, he probably didn't feel as lonely when Peter was at work, since he had Eddie now. And he thought, he could always ask Eddie for advice if Wade had another bad episode. His heart, as well as Wade's, felt so much lighter with this new entourage.

He looked at the table.

"Although, we should probably send him an invite to our Sunday brunches, coz I heard the man is pretty batshit crazy… See what I did there? Hmm? Hmm?" said Wade.

"Batman? Really? Damn. Well, I mean most heroes and villains have a real bad time, honestly. Oh my god, can you imagine like dozens of people with abilities talking about their worst moments, taking like half of a family restaurant?" Asked Eddie, humorously.

And Bruce simply laughed at the image.

Yes, Peter told himself, things could only go better from there.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved, no Eddie/Wade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Here we are people.
> 
> The last chapter.
> 
> I'll post, immediatly after this chapter, the epilogue that goes with it, but... It's been a true pleasure to write this and I hope y'all know how much I value your comments, kuddos and messages! A big thank you to all of you! I'd also like to thank my beta once again for helping me and putting in the time! A big thanks to Lucky Strike's alter ego! I hope you like the ending! Comment your impressions and have a great week-end!

_**Three weeks later…** _

All three men were running for their lives as half a dozen people tried to shoot them or take them down. They barely had about one block in advance from the second group when Wade abruptly stopped.

"Wait, why are we running again?"

Peter and Eddie rolled their eyes, while being a bit grateful they had some time to catch their breath.

"Because it's the same people who wanted to kidnap Eddie a while ago. You know… When I took him home the first time?" Said Peter.

"Yeah and… Well, they ran after us so they must still be mad about that!" Said Eddie, trying to add some arguments.

Wade thought about it for a second before saying, plainly:

"Well, let's ask them!"

And as if it was magically coordinated, the group of kidnappers arrived at the alley. They were almost all grinning devilishly.

"Oh, hello, y'all!" Exclaimed Deadpool, almost excited.

"Were you really that tired of running? Seriously?" Complained Peter, hitting a brick wall on his left.

"You know how out of shape I am. And if you didn't make enough food for 20 men each night when you cooked, we wouldn't be there!"

"It's not my fault that I have a fast metabolism, how many times do I have to-"

"Hey, guys, could we please stop talking and maybe-" started Eddie before Venom completely took over his body.

**"Fight. Now."**

Wade winked at Peter.

"He must've never met us to say that we need to shut up to fight. It's basically our trademark to do both at the same time."

Venom attacked the first two people but once he pushed them more than hard on the brick wall, Eddie's body, trembling, slowly tried to take control.

"No… Killing… No…" He murmured, still unbalanced.

Peter and Wade were then both defending the vulnerable body of Eddie. Hitting and kicking as well as doing some great japanese techniques around him, both men created a form of shield around Eddie. But hearing the man return to his human self, Wade suddenly realized something:

"Oh my god, our kid sounds just like you!" Said Wade tenderly to Spider-Man.

"I'm… Older than Pe-Spider-Man." Tried Eddie, but it didn't matter to Deadpool.

"Attack 32," screamed Spidey, literally throwing one of the men towards Wade who, understanding the plan, took the first thing at hand and slammed the person's head with… A shower pole? Yeah, seems legit.

Both men started laughing, more by the ease of their fighting than by any sort of sadism.

"It's been a while," admitted Peter, his grin wide.

"Yeah," responded Wade.

But Eddie broke their moment almost instantly.

"Guys! No third wheeling! We talked about this!"

"You have Venom, it doesn't count," said Peter, still looking at Wade with a bit of mischief in his eyes.

And just when they thought they were done, a gang of six other agents came running into that very same alley.

"So when is that big speech? You've been running all night, but no one can fucking stop for a solid 10 minutes to explain to us their evil plan so we can actually win later on? Coz I gotta work tomorrow, fellas." Exclaimed Peter, with a fatigued irony.

Wade snorted like a dork.

"Shit!" Exploded Eddie, in panic. "I have my interview tomorrow! I- I can't fucking get kidnapped!"

And one smart ass in the other group said, "Oh well, then, sorry, we'll come back next week!"

But that comedy was instantly punished by his colleague.

"Aw, Aubrey, what the fuck!" The smart ass said after being slapped in the face.

"We're here to help you, Eddie," started Aubrey, looking in front of her now. Her voice was calm and sincere. "We work for the lab 'Life', but it's under a new CEO and we're just planning to erase our previous mistakes."

"The CEO changed but the methods sure as hell didn't," said Eddie bitterly.

The kidnappers looked a bit ashamed.

"We do what needs to be done to finally have that clean slate. Now, we need you at the lab, it won't take long we promise. We can help you with your parasite problem. You'll get your old life back, Eddie." Said Aubrey, somewhat touchingly.

There was then a brief moment of silence between everyone.

"Oh, is the speech finished already, sorry?" Asked Peter with humor.

"Yeah, coz while it was really inspiring-" started Wade.

"Yet filled with wrong and dangerous thinking," added Peter.

"-Yes, that too! While it was inspiring, there's no problem here, Aubrey. Venom is perfectly fine here. Safe and definitely not a mistake." Finished Wade with a bit more frustration.

The smart ass laughed.

"Sure, coz a living alien entity that can eat people and cause chaos on a country scale is no bother at all. It's all good, we get it."

"Vincent, I pray every night that you can someday understand how dumb and useless you sound," Aubrey said harshly, rolling her eyes at the sky.

Peter looked at Wade with a smile.

"So, do you think the speech is done?"

Wade simply smiled and ran towards the group in front of them. They were simply having a blast and screaming funny one-liners between punches and kicking and Eddie was simply sitting against a wall, admiring their combat skills.

"We should totally get a costume and do the same thing," said Eddie, inspired.

**"But I can eat the rude people, right?"**

Eddie thought about it before whispering, somewhat categoric:

"... No?"

**"Then no spandex shall be allowed."**

Eddie watched Peter and Wade completely manpowering the group of agents and felt a bit of shame for doing nothing (he was scared that if he let Venom out, he would try eating people).

"It's like I can't do anything anymore," whined Eddie.

**"It's like I can't eat anyone anymore," whined Venom back.**

And Eddie goes to explain to him once again about the basic notions of right and wrong, but he suddenly feels a sting on his neck and, turning around, he can only see an empty syringe being taken out of his neck. His mind was already so confused, he couldn't remember why that was a bad sign.

He then fell unconscious on the spot.

* * *

Peter was handling his phone awkwardly.

"It was your idea," said Wade impatiently.

"I know, but… No, no, you're right, you're right," Said Peter.

"I'm right? I said nothing, I was completely against that idea!" Screamed Wade, outraged.

"Stop it, we both know I'm the voice of reason in this relationship," said Peter, shushing his boyfriend, "sadly for the both of us."

Even when Tony agreed to welcome them into the Avengers' Tower, Wade was still trying to stop this unnecessary stop, whining the whole way to the right floor.

"Listen, Wade, maybe you don't need them, but, right now, Eddie does. Time is the key in a kidnapping case and the key is the resources and the resources are here."

Wade suddenly felt bad, hearing those words… before he actually thought about what Peter said.

"That didn't make any sense. You trying to fool me, science boy?"

Just before the doors of the elevators opened, Spidey winked at him:

"Worked for two years, now, didn't it?"

And Wade grinned before his gaze shifted towards the absurdly gigantic living room which was probably the whole floor. Thankfully, Bruce was there. Pepper and Tony were at the bar, having a quiet conversation when Banner almost jumped on them, worried sick.

The details of the plan to get Eddie back were discussed quickly enough, but the full consent was needed and, although Pepper thought the plan was a good idea, Tony was still hesitant (which was not helped by the presence of Deadpool, whom he despised and even more since he was in a "relationship" with Spider-Man ["In what parallel universe is this a good idea, Peter?"]). So impatiently, Wade started literally breaking the first object he could touch every ten seconds.

A vase here, a bibelot there.

"Stop it." Warned Tony, watching him destroy one thing at a time. "Stop that."

"Stop what?" Asked Wade, innocently, while taking a small ceramic boat that was in one of the multiple libraries before dropping it so it fell to the floor and shattered in pieces. "I am literally just waiting for you to make a very serious and rational decision about two small individuals who, in your eyes, do not count, as it seems. No, no, don't go too fast, you might just have to fake having morals. Take your time, Mr. Stark. Me and my two friends possibly dying at any second will have to wait… Please do not mind me."

Tony's face turned red as Wade continued to smash things on the floor, a big fake grin on his face.

"Okay, fine! Fine! Whatever!" Exclaimed Tony when he realized he was being a jerk for no reason.

But something broke again.

"Wilson, I said-!"

But Wade wasn't close to what broke at all. Everyone frowned before looking at who smashed the vase: a very bitchy Peter goddamn Parker.

"I come every time you call me, Mr. Stark, and I help, putting my life on the line every time, however I can. How dare you! Next time I ask for help, for my friends, you better not hesitate, or I'll start making you wait too."

Pepper, Tony, and Banner were all baffled by Peter's outburst of angry emotions while Wade was trying so strongly to not have an erection because now was really not the time. Tony simply nodded.

"I understand."

Wade looked at his boyfriend with so much pride. He was almost hopping with glee. He finally kissed him on the cheek before they went on their way to the lab to get Eddie back.

* * *

Eddie woke up to the worst sensation he felt in years.

He was nauseous and his body seemed more like a ton of concrete. He felt… alone. Empty. He reached for Venom, inside of him, and was taken by a sudden panic. It was more than just a mute phase. His heart started to palpitate, and he wanted to get up, but his body felt more like a corpse. He was paralyzed and tears started to form as he understood his position. In his mind, he only heard  _'He's gone. They took him.'_ , being repeated, like some sick self-torture.

"The alien isn't there anymore," said a voice, making Eddie jerk in position, his whole back cracking in the process.

"Where is he? Please tell me he's fine, please-" He finally whispered.

Dora Skirth gave him an empathetic look.

"Now that my boss is out of the way, Mr. Brock, I'll put an end to this… alien fantasy. It was a very dangerous and egoistical decision and now I have the power to put an end to this madness. Clean slate. I know you… cared about the alien. I would like to offer you my sympathies."

"But he didn't do anything, please! He-"

But a very loud, very high-pitched sound resonated in the walls of the building and a second-hand instinct made him shrink into himself. He put his hands on his ears. He could remember how it hurt Venom and his mind was too confused by the physical pain to make sense of anything.

"Venom!" He screamed as loud as he could. "It's gonna be okay, buddy! I promi-"

A second sound made its way and he was still crying.

"We are very sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Brock, and we will bring you to the closest hospital… As soon as this is dealt with." Skirth said, a bit moved by the reaction of Eddie, but not enough to not close and lock the door behind her, locking Eddie inside a bulletproof laboratory.

* * *

Wade was having a hard time with the boxes and the ride to the science building was taking too much time. The boxes were screaming at this point, so he sat in the corner of the jet and held his hands over his ears, eyes closed, sometimes mumbling to himself. Banner offered some help, but Peter thanked him silently before going to his boyfriend's side, putting a hand around his shoulders. He was asking some questions and Wade was answering some of them, not completely aware of the ride.

"Violent and psychotic, and everyone here thinks I was the bad guy for saying he wasn't good for Peter," Stark said to no one in particular. "This small rebellion of his, Peter took that from Wilson's bad influence."

But Banner didn't take it:

"And thank god for that."

Tony looked shocked at the reply, but Bruce had no energy to spare to his friend now. Not when he was so nervous and when Wade looked so fragile.

"I hope they're both fine… I just- I saw them yesterday! I mean, we were planning on doing a Star Trek marathon AND cosplay next month! Venom was always down, but it took so much time to convince Eddie! And… they were my friends…"

"You're watching Star Trek with someone else?" Said Stark "Wait! You're friends with the alien?"

Bruce looked at him, disgusted.

"His name is Venom. And that's all you have to say? Eddie and he are in great danger, have some tact!" He exclaimed before moving closer to Wade and Peter who was saying simple 'it's gonna be okay's to Wade.

* * *

Venom didn't know where he was, they put him in complete darkness, and he was scared. He was so  _so_  scared and so far from Eddie too. He tried to move, tried to get a grip of something, while being a bit awkward in this form that he hadn't embodied for a while now. He was searching on the surface for, hopefully, his big idiot of a human, but he knew deep down... He was on his own.

Yet again.

He fully realized what was happening when the first sound hit him like multiple bullets.

* * *

Once they found their way up to the lab, it only took a few minutes for the team to find Eddie (thank god Eddie was a bit too dumb to not deactivate his location on his cell phone). Wade and Peter were, of course, the first on site. Tony was making sure no one went in or out of the lab, flying around the building, and Bruce had been programming the jet to still be ready for them, so he was a bit behind. Peter could only be glad that Bruce wasn't there in this instance, because the sight that was Eddie simply broke him to a point where he completely stopped in his steps.

In the locked room, Eddie was paler than he had ever looked before, and he was trembling. That action alone made Peter wince in pain. But worst of all, he was crying on the floor, still trying to get on his feet, always  _always_  trying and crying even more. Wade was at the door, trying to guess the code, his own fingers trembling, not even willing to look at Eddie. This close, they could hear him moan in pain. Peter finally regained his presence, looking at what was happening and gently moved Wade away to take the pad out to access the wires. They were lucky those labs were all using the same systems. Both were on Eddie in a second, but the man didn't even seem to be conscious of it. He was obviously in shock and both of his friends were suddenly at a lost as to what to do.

"...took him…" mumbled Eddie between sobs, still on the floor.

"Took him? Took who?" Asked Wade.

"You're gonna be fine, Eddie, everything-" Started Peter before they could all hear a violent high-pitched noise.

They both understood within a second.

"Wade, go. I'll take care of Eddie." Said Peter, trying to stay calm.

"No." Said Wade, closing his eyes, trying to stay… sane. "I don't trust myself to not go out of control. I- I- I'll take care of him. I'll stay here, just… bring Venom back. Or I'll try to… bring Eddie, I don't-"

Peter still was surprised by Wade's answer, his honesty, so he stopped him, nodding, kissing his forehead before stepping out of the room, screaming:

"We'll meet in the middle, then. It's a fucking date, Wade Wilson, don't be late."

* * *

"What's the status?" Asked Skirth to her assistant.

"They're still alive, ma'am, I don't-all the others were easier to exterminate. Maybe they have evolved by being in a human for so long?"

The doctor nodded, accepting the theory.

"Then put it higher, Lowell. We'll do everything to have a clean slate. It's our duty, now. Do you understand?"

The young man nodded very ceremoniously.

"We must kill the alien, or they'll be a danger to us and others." He said, as if he was repeating the words of someone else.

He was ready to amplify the volume when a very red and blue spider slowly made its way down from the ceiling.

"Actually,  _bitches_ , they're a 'he'."

If they could see the fury in Peter's eyes, maybe they both would have ran faster from him, but alas… He swinged, kicking the assistant in the face before going to the door, blocking the only way out. He was in such a rage, he could feel his spider-sense throughout his fingers, something he only had felt when Deadpool was in danger and, well, unfortunely for both those employees, only Wade knew how to calm those dark episodes where he could be seconds away from beating people to death for minor crimes, when he was simply searching for a reason to hit someone.

It all started when he left Brooklyn to get in his university filled with rich arrogant brats and he just… saw crimes and immorality everywhere and people blaming every crime on the disappearance of Spider-Man. He couldn't put the costume away anymore. He dressed like any other bandit. Once, he caught a young man trying to rape his girlfriend after a party, the girl being unconscious and, so, Peter intervened and smashed the boy's head to the ground as if it was nothing. The girl woke up and screamed, running the other way. But Peter couldn't focus on anything. He had to punish.

That's when Wade showed up.

He basically made a lot of inappropriate jokes about death, but his point was firm: minors go to jail, not cemetery. He then took Peter by the arms and pulled him away from the scene. Wade even called 911. Completely somewhere else, Peter didn't even notice when Wade took him back to his place to wash his hands which were in a very bad state. He looked at his hands in the lab now, bloodied. Both employees were on the floor now. He couldn't- he couldn't remember doing anything. He was shaking all over, the adrenaline evaporating. For a second there, he even wondered where Wade was, completely lost.

A pen was stuck in his arm for whatever reason. He hadn't noticed. He was shaking. His head hurt, but he quickly remembered where he was, and opened the door to let the people out, even though they were unconscious for now. He opened the door separating himself from Venom. The alien tried to get out, but it was obvious that he was too tired for it. Peter simply gave him a hand.

"It's okay," he said to Venom. "I'll take you to Eddie. He's fine. He's just a few minutes away. Every-Everything will be fine."

It then seemed like the most hurtful and tiring thing to do, but Venom finally poured himself in Peter's system. Spiderman, slowly growing used to the sensation of being two, could still feel Venom falling unconscious.

* * *

Eddie and Venom stayed in the hospital for a full week (which was pretty long for an extraterrestrial being and his host). No one was there though when Eddie came back to himself, crying tears of joy (he would then blame the morphine for such an extreme emotion) because he could feel Venom again. He was not alone, he would be fine. They would both be fine.

* * *

_**A few days later…** _

"So we were supposed to show you this the night everything went to shit, but yeah… It's… If you want. I mean, we talked about getting a place for the both of us for a long time, Wade and I, but… It didn't feel right until now…" Said Peter, showing a still somewhat pale Eddie their new apartment.

"Talk about yourself, Webs, I've been ready since the day I saw you." Wade said with a big wink.

"Okay, calm down Romeo, this isn't about you." Whispered Peter, although he was glad Wade was happy in the new apartment, and willing to get rid of the mask for once. He smiled at him before focusing back on the place and the visit he was supposed to give. "So, this is the living room, the kitchen, the toilet, our room and… This is your room. If you want. I mean- It could be your-"

"Oh my god, you're-are you proposing to me?" Exclaimed Eddie, looking at both Peter and Wade excitedly.

"...no?" Said Peter, confused, even if Wade was gladly nodding in the back.

"No, I mean, as in... a roommate proposal?" Asked Eddie, a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh, then yes, yes!" Nodded Peter, very eager and reassured.

"Awww, guys, obviously, I mean. This is like a dream, I can't… Wow. Wow! Look, V, we got a room! In someone else's apartment! That makes it a shared apartment! I know, crazy! You like it? Yeah, same… Yeah! Oh my god, that was exactly what I was thinking! No, I'm not kidding!"

Wade and Peter looked at each other, both frowning.

"Is this me or is he making it weird?" Whispered Wade to Peter in a very not subtle way.

Peter simply nodded, keeping his smile.

"Oh, V, look at that window, oh my god, that's our window, like, we'll see it everyday and drink our coffee beside it and the sun will pass through it and oh, look a bird! Hello, gentle creature! I'm your neighbour!"

Wade turned away, saying with a happy glow:

"We got used to worse."

"Fair point," said Peter with a small laugh.

They both looked at their lovely apartment. And, suddenly, everything seemed right, finally. Wade started to hug and kiss Peter's forehead before saying, a laugh caught in his throat:

"Thank you for embellishing my life every day, dear boyfriend of mine. I couldn't hope for a better person... honestly."

Peter blushed, not knowing what to respond. So he came very close to Wade's ear, whispering hotly:

"Say what you want, big guy, I still called shotgun on the closet."

Wade stepped back, pouting.

"Fine!" He cried, walking towards the kitchen, like the big drama queen that he was. "I still love you very much, though!" Wade said with the same passive-aggressive tone.

"And I love you more, just like I love that closet!" Said Peter back, laughing.

That's exactly when Eddie stepped back out of his room, looking sick. Wade and Peter were suddenly scared that something happened again.

"What happened?" Wade asked in panic.

"Are you okay?" Asked Peter, concerned.

Eddie was just shocked, he couldn't even answer for a long time, but he finally said:

"Venom ate the bird," He said almost crying.

The following minutes were then spent trying to comfort Eddie. Peter tried his very best to not laugh…

"You know when I said I wanted children," said Wade, almost philosophically, "this wasn't what I had in mind."

"A bird!" Repeated Eddie, alarmed. 


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie was just getting used to living with an alien inside of him 24/7 when he met Wade. Although he doesn't really have time for the friendship Deadpool suddenly seems eager to start, he'll slowly learn to let other people than Venom into his life. A story of friendship, mental health guidance and absurd timing and coincidences. Canon Spideypool involved, no Eddie/Wade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, kids. Enjoy and tell me what you thought about it! ;)

"Where's Banner? I swear he can't keep a schedule even if his life depend-" Wade whispered angrily, stressed about this day's event.

Eddie couldn't even say anything before Bruce was walking in the place with a big brown box.

"I made us matching t-shirts!" Screamed Bruce, absolutely delighted with his idea.

"Oh my god, I love you too, you big beautiful nerd." Screamed Wade, jumping from excitement.

They were all the same yellow and white shirt (with a big smiley face on it beside the "Sad Boyz Club" written in big letters), but each made it its own. Deadpool cut his to make a tank top which looked absolutely fabulous on his suit. Eddie rolled his sleeves to make himself cooler. Bruce, confused, simply kept it as it was.

With a big smile, Wade rose from his seat once Bruce and Eddie were seated either side of him at the large table, facing the crowd of people who attended the event.

"Dear guests, I shall firstly thank y'all for coming to the first audition for The Sad Boyz Club. Now, it's done. Great. So, as for the rules, I'll call a name and this person will come forward. Please do not rush. We will establish your application based on personality and sex-appeal and personality. In that order." He specified, holding three fingers in the air.

"If you ever want any other types of help, please check out the list of resources my absolutely  _amazing_  boyfriend -haha, see what I did there ?- has put together and printed for you in the back of the room. Yes, we are biased. Yes, we are weak. We are not experts on anything, except Banner, of course, in absolutely useless and random knowledge that he likes to remind everyone that he knows. Oh also, Eddie and Venom-Venom is in Eddie, for those who were confused, but please do refer to them as both separate beings (preferred pronouns "he")- are both great at making bad guys feel like shit and I, well, I have the most marvelous chest hair." Said Deadpool in the most diplomatic way possible. "So, I guess... in a way… we are experts!"

Eddie simply leaned towards Wade, whispering:

"I thought you didn't have any hair."

"Well, then I guess you caught me, and, thus proving my point about pissing people off, huh?" Wade whispered, annoyingly back at Eddie who moved back, a smile on his lips.

With a new smile, Wade took his "host" voice once again.

"Okay so I've been informed that we are actually three dumb amigos so… At your own risk and peril! First name! Please step forward Captain Am-… Wait. Captain America? What the actual fuck! We got the budget to get this guy?"

**END.**


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